... I got fired last Wednesday. So they did not only suck a big chunk of life out of me, they also gave me the final punch in the guts. This nagging feeling of having failed HARD, guh. I wasn't cut out for the position. For the job in general. I know it's not the end of the world but I feel like shit anyway. I have to go job hunting again. Love that SO MUCH, you have no idea.
For now, though... rest. I really need some rest. I'm not sad to leave the place, not at all. The first second after my ex-boss broke the news to me I just felt relief
. Then panic. Relief first, tho. That has to mean something, right? I don't miss them, unlike the agency where I did my second internship. I still miss them
I feel... better, actually. Not only relieved but better
. No more stomach aches in the morning. No more panic attacks before leaving the flat. I experience valid feelings again. Sadness, joy, anger... mostly sadness and anger these days but oy, FEELINGS. Just a few clouds left in my brain, yay! I must've looked and acted like a zombie, according to the BF, friends and family. Like, two weeks ago, I got terribly drunk at my brother's b-day party and apparently I couldn't stop crying in my mom's arms, crying out stuff like "I can't do this anymore, I just can't, I won't make it..." I don't remember anything of that myself (luckily). Mom told me last weekend, after they dumped me. She had tears in her eyes and I got some serious chills when she said "I just couldn't believe that this crying mess in my arms was once my daughter. My tough, talented, amazing and beautiful daughter. I want my daughter back!" ... ouch.
So much ouch. But you know what!?
get her daughter back. BF will get his girl back. My friends will get their friend back.
This is not a threat.
It's a promise
Take care, guys.